


The Call That Saved Me

by TheSixthRedux (LostInTheCityofAngels)



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Canon, Canon?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e24 Gethsemane, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, References to Depression, Sad, post-episode s04e24 Gethsemane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 18:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30143991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInTheCityofAngels/pseuds/TheSixthRedux
Summary: Short story: Another take on the ending of Gethsemane. What if instead of Kristschgau, it was Scully who called him just in time to save his life?
Kudos: 2





	The Call That Saved Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the most personal and almost accurate? story I've ever written and honestly I hate myself for writing this. It's too emotional and I hate reliving the past but what do you know? Put my feelings into Mulder because that makes everything better, I guess. IF YOU KNOW ME IN REAL LIFE, NO YOU DON'T.

"I've held a torch in the darkness to glance upon a truth unknown. An act of faith begun with an ineloquent certainty that my journey promised the chance, not just of understanding, but of recovery. That the disappearance of my sister, 23 years ago, would come to be explained. And that the pursuit of these greater truths about the existence of extraterrestrial life might even reunite us. A belief which I now know to be false... and uninformed... in the extreme. My folly revealed by facts which illuminate both my arrogance and self-deception. If only the tragedy had been mine alone, might it be more easy tonight to bring this journey to its end."

I stare at the letter in my hands and fold it up before sealing the envelope. I hope she understands what I'm doing is what's best for the both of us. I knew the syndicate was behind everything so why I did I believe in something greater than that? I've lost everything I need and I'm losing the only person I have. No miracle could stop me from what I'm about to do, but maybe not everything has to be supernatural or otherworldly. A simple sign is what will save me, but sometimes it never comes.

I've been clutching the letter so long, my tears fall onto the paper, creating the circular droplets. I place it on the coffee table, right where someone will find it sitting. Do I really want to go through this? I sit back down in the chair in the complete darkness, the TV creating the only sound and light but I'm not focused on that. 

I keep asking myself if I want to go through with this. I wouldn't say I've been planning this so long, it was more of a spontaneous action for tonight but these feelings of depression don't just go away. I think it's always been in me starting from my adolescence and after Samantha was abducted. Nothing ever gets better. My only motivation is my search for the truth and now that it has been proven that I was wrong all along, then it's time to go see her. She was probably murdered and buried somewhere or maybe she's still alive, but unrecognizable and wouldn't remember me. I don't know if I can gamble everything in my life right now so I'll take the easy way out. I can't live like this anymore.

I pick up my bureau issued handgun and pull out the magazine. I count all the bullets. The firearm is fully loaded, but one should do the trick. I cock the gun but my arm hesitates as I slowly pull it towards my temple. I've had weapons pointed straight at me, I've been cut, bruised, beaten and left for dead, so why does my own weapon terrify me? I'm shaking now and I want to scream. I so badly want to scream all this pain I've been keeping in for years but the damn neighbors would hear. Well, they'd heard the gunshot soon enough anyway.

Bracing myself for what I'm about to do, I get distracted by my heartbeat which I'm sure is going well over 170. Everything is hazy, and maybe I'm just having a severe panic attack but my hand is not letting go of the gun.

The gun is now on the side of my brain, and my finger is inching it's way close to the trigger. The world is at stand-still and everything is silent. Just pull the trigger and everything will be bliss. Why am I a coward then? Guilt, fear, pain, everything is rushing into me at once. Here it is. My last moment. I pick of the photo of Samantha and run my finger along her face before setting the photo back down on my desk. I am so confident in what I am about to do but the shrill ring of the telephone startles me.

I let it ring for almost thirty seconds and I'm sure it's going to stop but I pick it up, not saying anything.

"Mulder, it's me."

That's odd. She doesn't call me at this hour. I stay silent.

"Mulder? You there?"

"Yeah," I say every so quietly after wiping my tears. I need to sound normal but my voice is always boring and monotone sounding, according to many people in my life, so I think I sound alright.

"Sorry to call at this hour. I'm not usually one to, but I wanted to inform you that you left your ID at my house so before you head into work, you can stop by at my house."

I just nod but of course she can't hear me. 

"Everything alright?"

"Mmhmm." Oh god. My voice is breaking. Even I can manage to fuck up my own suicide. How pathetic.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Scully says and hangs up.

Goddammit. Wait. My tears are streaming more and I just drop my gun before grabbing my keys and driving straight to her house. My vision is blurred between the tears, but I could drive with my eyes closed to her place. I don't even bother to park straight. I just pull up and hop out of the car, running straight to the door. 

The door opens after a minute and it's Bill.

"You? What's happened?" He didn't seem one bit sympathetic or even caring that I showed up on the doorstep.

"Is Scully there?"

"We're all Scully," he says sarcastically.

"DANA!" Mulder shouted in a hoarse voice. 

"Fox? Are you alright?" I hear the voice of Scully's mom. Her mother's instinct kicks in and she shooed Bill away. "Go away Bill, can't you see he's upset? You never help."

"Who cares?" Bill walked away and then by now Scully was there.

"Mulder? What's going on?" She took in my appearance and I just hugged her in the doorway.

"Please tell me what's wrong," she says.

I stay silent and just hold onto her.

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"I can't. I hate it all."

"Is it work? What happened these past few days? Just everything?"

I nod.

"Don't worry. It'll get better."

"No, it won't!" That's it. I guess I have to be vulnerable.

"Can you tell me what's making you so upset currently?"

"Just don't go. Stay with me."

That whole night I cried, Scully and her mom being so kind and I cried myself to the point of near exhaustion. I ended up going to sleep on her bed, with Scully by my side. I assumed waking up the next morning, everything would get better. I thought my problems would magically disappear. Now did they? No. I relive that night everyday, and nothing helps get rid of that memory. If it was so traumatic, why hasn't my brain focused on that moment. Either I'm always thinking of the bad, or it's lost in my subconscious.

As much as she's concerned for me, we never talk about that night ever again and I'm okay with that. I have her, and she loves me which is all that matters. I would never leave her because our love is unconditional. I realize I can never pass pain onto her for something I've done. I've made mistakes too many times but I'm hoping in time, this experience will change me for the better. I want to believe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you if you read each and every single word, and also: Are you okay? 
> 
> Any comments, feel free to comment here or go to my IG: the_sixth_redux


End file.
